Parenting Preferences

Lubbock fact: According to the Texas Department of Health’s statistics, 3.64 percent of Lubbock’s teens were pregnant in 2002, and in 2003, Lubbock had 1,725 STD cases. Lubbock tops the charts for teenage gonorrhea rates, which are twice the national average.

I'm not entirely sure about the parenting strategies here in West Texas. There seems to be a mentality of "well, I told my kid what to do and he/she will do it." That, mixed with an overwhelming sense of safety, leads to the most lax parenting I've seen in a very long time.

I mean, maybe we're just over protective. I remember being shocked when the parents from Aidan's Lexington preschool allowed their kids to wander off down a small creek bed in a local park. In our neighborhood here we've been very surprised to see young children wandering around, playing in the front yards and then wandering down the sidewalk.

Aidan doesn't even go outside without our supervision, yet we found a 5 year old in our backyard the other day looking for his ball. Aidan invited him in to play, so Jason called his mother to let her know. The woman didn't even know where he was! She muttered something later like, "What a bad mom that I didn't know where he was when your husband called me, but I've got three so it's hard to watch them all."

So then yesterday Aidan was playing with the same kid and the little sister (under 2 years old) followed them over to our house. The mom shows up 5-10 minutes later and tells her to come home. And then there was the day that the mom came over for 15-20 minutes and then suddenly said, "I have to go home. The baby is napping and [the than 2 year old] is watching a video!"

Keep in mind that this family is only one example. In general, there is just a lackadaisical attitude regarding the safety of children. We were at a school fundraiser a while back in a restaurant and when we walked in the hostess said we would have to wait because since there were more kids than usual, they didn't want to leave the door unattended in case a child wandered out. Later I was talking to another parent who complained that the hostess kept telling her child to go back to his table. When I told the parent what the hostess had said the mother said, "Well, I guess she doesn't have six kids or else she wouldn't be so worried about it!"

Finally, Jason told me that when he walked the dog at 10 PM last night, he saw a kid slightly older than Aidan on a razor scooter. He said he watched out for the kid and about 10 minutes later a man walking a dog came by and the kid obviously knew the man, so they walked off together. We just don't understand it, not our style.

I have noticed that there are plenty of large families here. Maybe with more kids you worry less that one of them may get stolen/hurt/dead? In the past when I've known someone with more than 3 kids I've always been able to assume their religious preferences but here there are lots of families with 4 or more. The kicker is, they are usually all in private school, but that's a post for another day!

The bigger issue here is not how they choose to parent their children, but whether I want Aidan to play over at their house. Yesterday the lady that never knows where her kids are came over with the 3 kids and the rottweiler asking if Aidan wanted to go for a walk. I decided not to allow Aidan to walk with them. And about the dog, we went over to talk with her about our concerns and she did not instill confidence. She's just not that worried about it, totally laid back about the kids, the dog, and most everything else.

Already Exhausted and It's Monday

This week is already not going all that well. The holidays have really thrown us out of whack. Aidan has been coughing a lot, which causes all of us to lose sleep. We can't figure out if he's sick or suffering from asthma, which is always the dilemma.

Jason and I both went back to work today, me at Tech and him in the home office. He loves his 10 step commute! Since Aidan is out of school we hired a sitter to come to the house this week. Jason is taking off for New Year's Day, so he plans to use the sitter to get serious work done around our house. He says he plans to mend the balcony, which I'm pretty happy about since I want to have some backyard fun next summer.

I'm headed to Austin on Friday, so I have to get as much work in as I can given that I start teaching again next Thursday. Which means working right through New Year's. The good news is that we've been pretty regular at the gym, so we should have more energy soon. Aidan loves the kid's play area at the gym! You should see his little red cheeks when we pick him up. He gets a full workout too!

Our First Lubbock Christmas

We had a great Christmas hosting Nana and Uncle Stevie. I was still wrestling with my final dissertation paperwork until last Friday, so I was in no position to have any shopping or plans completed. It came and went, however, and we still have some gifts to send! Luckily, everyone has been pretty understanding. Aidan says it would have been a perfect holiday if Rebecca had been here, as everything else was exactly as he liked.

Aidan got lots of things, as you can see from the picture above. We pretty much buy him things all year, so we see no reason to go all out at the holidays. He got a few inexpensive things from us and when you add in what he got from everyone else and from Santa, he does pretty well. Today we cleaned out 20 toys from his playroom to make some space. I think Jason and I will be trying to talk him out of a few more by the time New Years rolls around.

Today Aidan enjoyed going to the gym (they have a really nice kid's facility where they have supervised play while we work out) and shortly we will be watching his new movie, Madagascar. Daddy finally replaced our broken DVD player today. It was the first time I ever heard him talk about after Christmas sales. I was a little shocked, but all we ended up with was a DVD player, so I think we're doing OK.

All in all, I'd say it was a good holiday. We ate too much, we probably gave Aidan too much stuff, and we barely got out of our pjs all day. When Aidan asked me if I liked Christmas I just told him that as long as he enjoyed it, I was happy too. And he smiled and said, "I did."

The Playdate

We met Aidan at McDonald's where he was concluding his playdate with his school friend. Apparently Aidan was not on his best behavior while hanging out with his friend, although I'm certain that it wasn't as damning as they made it seem. Apparently he did not clean up when asked and he and his friend had a scuffle. Both of which are pretty normal 4-year-old boy issues. I was a little annoyed by the attitude from the other parents.

Jason took the opportunity to tell me that we are immature parents who don't make Aidan mind. I find this to be incredible given that Jason is generally opposed to teaching rules, particularly rules that are set in stone. There is always an exception with Jason and he feels that a 4-year-old should be able to figure out what those exceptions are. It's not working, but I gave up trying to do anything about it.

So, in essence, I'm sure that I'll continue to get criticism from other parents as well as from Jason for Aidan's behavior. Unfortunately for Aidan, every time I try to put strict rules in place Jason comes up with some exception to the rule. As I was explaining to the other parents that I monitor Aidan's TV very closely, Jason admitted that he pays little attention to my TV watching rules. But then, of course, blames me for Aidan's behavior. It does no good to even try...

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Christmas fact: The average family spends $1500 on Christmas shopping.

Aidan went for a playdate with a friend today. We know this friend's parents a little and she offered to take the boys for Chuck-E-Cheese after school, so Jason offered a trade off so that each of us would have a night to go shopping. Then, of course, Colonel had a vet appointment. So now we've done zero shopping and we only have 2 1/2 hours left to go. Good news is we have no idea what Aidan will be getting, but the one toy he asked for specifically is only $15. We're the worst parents ever!

I think Lubbock is really into this Christmas thing. Our street is the only one in the hood without lights and we've had 2 visitors today come by with treats. Remember, we don't know anyone and we've had 2 visitors with baked goods. And we were invited to multiple Christmas parties. Maybe they just feel sorry for us because we're new. Or maybe they just don't know how annoyed we are with this whole holiday cheer crap. Either way, I've never seen so much Christianity in my whole life. These people are serious!

'Tis The Season...That I'm Not Ready For

Santa Fact: The American version of St. Nicholas, or Santa Claus originally came from the Dutch version called Sint Klaas. The Dutch settlers in New Amsterdam (New York) brought this fun and lively tradition (some even say cult) to America.

We are so not in the holiday spirit. I feel like we are barely hanging in this week as we come to the finish line for the holidays. Aidan officially gets out of school on Friday and this morning he took both a book for the class book exchange and a stocking full of goodies for kids in a group home.

Aidan is really becoming a thoughtful child. We talk a lot about how grateful we are for all that we have and how there are many others who struggle. He's become generous, giving toys to other kids who appreciate them more than he does. He seems to really enjoy the idea of giving to friends and other children who he doesn't know. And, most importantly, he is thoughtful and respectful of the differences between himself and others. I hope that this empathy and consideration continues, Jason and I have been amazed that he can express such feelings at this age.

So, it appears that we've been able to communicate the meaning of the season without doing anything else. I can't wait until Nana gets here on Saturday because by Sunday night all the decorations will be down from the attic, the tree will be up, and we'll be in full swing. On Monday, of course, I have to do some shopping. So far I have a small bag of things for Aidan's stocking and nothing else. Boy, do we have a lot of work to do!

Our First Dust Storm

Texas Facts: The core of the Dust Bowl was in the Texas and Oklahoma panhandles, southwestern Kansas and southeastern Colorado. The drought began on the Great Plains, from the Dakotas through Texas and New Mexico, in 1931. The area has continued to experience dust storms in fall and spring. Lubbock, Texas, for example, experienced 35 dust storms in 1973-74.

Yesterday it was very warm, we had a few sprinkles in the afternoon and then I looked out my 8th floor window and declared to my colleague that it had become very foggy. She laughed and assured me that we were having a dust storm. I called Jason to inform him, he had just been telling someone on the phone that we were having this weird weather with brown clouds and serious wind. Turns out we had 50 mile an hour straight winds. The pool is a mess and everything was filthy. I'm giving up trying to clean windows until after spring. I'm including a picture I found online that looks exactly like what I saw out my window yesterday. In fact, the picture was taken on campus in 2000.

More on Colonel

Aidan and Colonel are getting along much better. I think Aidan may be having some jealousy of Jason's relationship with the dog, last night Jason and Colonel went outside together while Jason lifted weights and Aidan immediately asked, "Why can I not go outside?"

This morning Aidan was very sad that he couldn't go to the vet with Colonel. I really liked the people at the vet office. We ordered all kinds of tests to make sure he's healthy, then the surgery and microchip, then the vaccinations. They may also do some dental work while he's under. We figure we have to make sure he's healthy to start with, then he'll just need annual shots after that.

I'll have more of an update on his health after this afternoon, but they haven't called to update us so I figure he's probably passing his tests. They did say he's at least 4-5 years old. Jason suspected as much given his responsiveness to commands, his manners, and he's house trained. They also said given the condition of his coat and nicks on his skin, he's had a bit of a rough life. I hope he'll be happy with the home we've offered.

Introducing: Colonel

My colleague found this dog and has exhausted all efforts to find the owners. Tomorrow he visits the vet for all of his needs. The dog seems to like his new home, although Aidan is having some adjustment issues. He runs around and the dog thinks he wants to play, then the dog jumps up and Aidan loses it. Which, of course, scares the dog.